Well, this weeks reading has kind of got me down... Teenagers. Ugh. As we all know by now, I have a 5 year old girl and this weeks reading has sort of stressed me out. Especially the articles. I don't want to think about boys, and periods, and puberty just yet. But, I guess I have to. In this day and age you have to think about it so much sooner that you used to and it makes me sad. It makes me wish for days gone by when we didn't have iPads and iPhones and computers in every room. When there were no such things as half shirts and padded swim suits for 5 years olds. Thongs were what we called flip flops, they were not underpants for children! Wow, I sound old. Yes, I know that improvements in nutrition and health cause girls to physically mature sooner that they did in the past but I also know that society encourages our girls to grow up mentally before they are ready and before they need to. I am appalled at some of the things I see on Tv and for sale in stores, things that encourage children to look and act like little adults which the are not!
When I was a child, my pediatrician took my mother aside and gave her some words of advice. "Don't let people force her to grow up too fast. She is much taller that her peers and people are going to treat her differently. People will expect more from her, because they will believe she is older and she will try to live up to their expectations, and in some cases because she is so much younger, she is going to fail." All through childhood, I was much taller than my friends. I looked 12 when I was 8. When I was 12, I looked 16. I got lots and lots of attention from boys and men, but I was 12. I still played with Barbies and I didn't know how to deal with it, I didn't want to deal with it, I should not have had to deal with it. My parents never let me dress in appropriately or wear make up or anything like that but I didn't need it. When you are stacked at 13, you don't really need to play it up and there is not much you can do to hide it.
Now I have a baby girl and you guessed it, she's tall. And blonde and lanky. People are always surprised when they hear she is 5, because she looks and acts older. She is my only child and the one thing her father and I want more than anything else is for her to grow up slowly. We don't want her to worry about things that shouldn't concern her for years and years. I want her to be educated and to respect her body and be amazed by the things it can do so we talk to her openly so she knows she never has to be embarrassed about anything related to her body and she knows the correct terminology for her body parts and she knows she can ask about anything and I feel good about that. And I feel strongly that as a parent, part of my job is to make sure she doesn't grow up too fast. She is not allowed to wear two piece swimsuits, and her clothes look like clothes a 5 year old should wear. She doesn't look like a tiny teenager because I will not allow it. But she doesn't know the difference because we don't have TV and she doesn't see commercials and programs that glorify that type of behavior, and that works for us. Sure she grabs my bras and lipsticks and trys them out but she knows that those things are for mommy and it's ok to experiment but it's not to leave the house.
Ugh. We are moving to an island.
Being a parent and reading this material is rather scary, kids grow up!!! Crazy emotional times ahead. I think for me it has put some perspective on some issues and I think it's nice to know why some of there behaviors are the way they are that it is just them growing up!! So when my boys get big and make some risky decisions it's not them being crazy its brain development.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard being a gilr in this world now a days and i can only imagine how much harder it is to be a mother of one. Like you said in your blog that things were much easier back in the day and girls were more safer and did not have to worry about the pressures and expectations of the world. There is just so much pressure on girls in almost every field especially when it involves media. The body image has become such an important part of media that it has started to hurt girls in order to look "perfect". Another issue that i think girls go through is that they have a lower self esteem of themselves. They are having hard time respecting themselves and their bodies. I don't know if it is their home and social environment that causes such issues or its the society's expectations of them?
ReplyDeleteI love that you put so much emphasis on growing up slowly! Far to often now a days we see young girls who could pass as teenagers. I think being open about things with your children helps a lot, instead of turning to TV or the Internet to answer their questions they turn to you.
ReplyDeleteShe is lucky to have such a protective and lovely mother like you. Sometimes the best we can do for our children is prepare them for the uncertainties and darkness that the world contains rather than hide them from it. Unfortunately, they will be exposed to it someday, which is why we support, discipline, and equip them with healthy coping skills.
ReplyDeleteGoing without television is probably one of the best things you can do for your child and for you. Unfortunately, TV has become somewhat of a "staple" use of our time instead of eating dinner around a table and haveing conversations families are sitting quietly around the television. Also, often times we are more prone to pulling out our cell phones rather than having conversations with those around us. I am speaking from first hand experience I am guilty of wasting countless hours sitting in front of a screen rather than spending quality time with those around me. We only get a certain amount of time in this life we should use it wisely.
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