The topic of this weeks studies that really peaked my curiosities is the idea of gender role and gender identity. As you now know, I am the mother of a five year old girl. When I was pregnant with my daughter, my husband and I decided we would do our best to raise a strong, independent girl that wouldn't be boxed in by gender stereotypes. We had no idea at the time that we were in for such an uphill battle!
When I was pregnant with my first child, my husband and I couldn't wait to find out the sex of our baby. (I am a planner) When the doctor gleefully told us "It's a boy!", we couldn't have been more thrilled. My husband was already imagining our son skateboarding to basketball practice, while I envisioned a life of tending to skinned knees and chasing frogs. Ahhh little boy bliss. However, at our next prenatal visit, we received the shocking news that there had been a wee little mix up. Our rough and tumble future NBA superstar son was actually a girl. Say what?! As you can imagine, we were shocked. He was named, his room was under construction, he was a he. How could this be?! In an attempt to lessen the shock, my husband suggested I "go buy something girly" for the baby. That moment was the first time I became consciously aware that gender neutrality is not a reality. As we entered the store, we were immediately greeted with clothing that basically screamed gender stereotypes. 'Daddy's little princess' said the frilly pink girl shirts. 'Mom's mud machine' shouted the little boys camo sweater. Kittens, rainbows and unicorns everywhere for the ladies, dinosaurs, tractors and sharks for the boys with almost zero middle ground. A plain white onsie was about as gender neutral as we were going to get.
When our daughter finally arrived, we did our best to go against gender stereotypes and labels. We sought out non pink clothing, her first toy was a stuffed robot, we attempted to allow her to form her own interests and opinions without gender bias. That being said, I should tell you a little bit about us. My husband has been a stay at home father to our daughter for most of her life. I am what my husband calls a "frontier bride". I chop firewood, can change my own oil, am the family's resident plumber. I don't cry, I am not sensitive, I wear overalls, I get dirty. (Yes, my nails are always done and I love diamonds but who doesn't?) What I mean is, my family does not exactly conform to societies typical gender roles so if anyones child was going to buck the stereotype it was going to be our daughter! Right? Wrong. So, so, so wrong. It became apparent almost immediately, we had a girly girl. At first, I tried to fight it. You will get dirty! You will wear blue! You will be the heroine of your story! You will rescue yourself! But it was a losing battle and in the end for whatever reason, genetics, society, stereotypes... pink won. Our days are filled with sparkles and rainbows and unicorns and that's okay. As long as she still wants to make the occasional mud pie, we're good.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Keep on Blogging!
Well, week two is off and running! I found this weeks reading very interesting but one concept that really stood out to me was the relationship and dynamic between heredity and environment, which is basically the idea that even though we may be born with a predetermined set of genes, the environment we grow up in has a powerful influence on who we become and how others view us. The text book describes it as "Heredity provides the clay of life and experience does the sculpting" which I thought was a great analogy. One concept that was particularly thought provoking was the idea that genes can affect the type of nurturing we receive. The book gave the example of a bright out-going child receiving more attention from teachers and peers while a more withdrawn and not quite as bright child, who could benefit from extra nurturing, may have a tendency to be overlooked. "A squeaky wheel gets the grease" scenario, if you will.
The assigned article also brought up some interesting issues. One study sought to show that genetic traits influence how a parent reacts to their child. Ie, an angry, anti social child will make the parents anxious and frustrated and this will reinforce the child's behaviors as the parent and child are mirroring each others behavioral styles. This made me think about a neighbor of mine. Jack (not his real name) is a 5 years old boy with a myriad of behavioral issues. He is extremely aggressive both physically and verbally to those around him and has been this way as long as I have known him, which was beginning at the age of two. This weeks reading really made me think about and question his situation. When he acts out, his mother usually seems to tailor her reaction to his behavior. She either totally ignores the inappropriate behavior or mirrors it. When he is screaming, she screams louder. Instead of explaining to him why what he is doing is not okay or inappropriate for the situation, her first reaction is to get angry and frustrated. So that got me thinking... Why? Is Jack this way because A) he is genetically predisposed to this aggressive personality and behavioral style because he inherited his mothers genes? Or B) has his personality been influenced by his mothers parenting style? And is her parenting style a result of heredity or in response to his behavior?
Everyones child at one point or another has thrown a tantrum (my daughter included) but instead of allowing ourselves to get angry or frustrated, my husband and I just did our best to stay calm and just talk it out with her. By showing our daughter respect and by showing her with out actions that we cared about her wants and needs, we were able to set the groundwork for good communication. And by sticking to what we say, she quickly learned that tantrums and whining will never, ever, even once get her the things she wants, but asking nicely and calmly discussing it might, which is helping our daughter develop a caring and respectful personality.
If I were not a working nurse and mother and could spend countless hours reading on the beach, this is an area I would love to delve more deeply into. Not only because I find the subject matter very interesting, but it really got me thinking about myself as a mother and I am always looking for more insight and information that will help me grow as a parent.
The assigned article also brought up some interesting issues. One study sought to show that genetic traits influence how a parent reacts to their child. Ie, an angry, anti social child will make the parents anxious and frustrated and this will reinforce the child's behaviors as the parent and child are mirroring each others behavioral styles. This made me think about a neighbor of mine. Jack (not his real name) is a 5 years old boy with a myriad of behavioral issues. He is extremely aggressive both physically and verbally to those around him and has been this way as long as I have known him, which was beginning at the age of two. This weeks reading really made me think about and question his situation. When he acts out, his mother usually seems to tailor her reaction to his behavior. She either totally ignores the inappropriate behavior or mirrors it. When he is screaming, she screams louder. Instead of explaining to him why what he is doing is not okay or inappropriate for the situation, her first reaction is to get angry and frustrated. So that got me thinking... Why? Is Jack this way because A) he is genetically predisposed to this aggressive personality and behavioral style because he inherited his mothers genes? Or B) has his personality been influenced by his mothers parenting style? And is her parenting style a result of heredity or in response to his behavior?
Everyones child at one point or another has thrown a tantrum (my daughter included) but instead of allowing ourselves to get angry or frustrated, my husband and I just did our best to stay calm and just talk it out with her. By showing our daughter respect and by showing her with out actions that we cared about her wants and needs, we were able to set the groundwork for good communication. And by sticking to what we say, she quickly learned that tantrums and whining will never, ever, even once get her the things she wants, but asking nicely and calmly discussing it might, which is helping our daughter develop a caring and respectful personality.
If I were not a working nurse and mother and could spend countless hours reading on the beach, this is an area I would love to delve more deeply into. Not only because I find the subject matter very interesting, but it really got me thinking about myself as a mother and I am always looking for more insight and information that will help me grow as a parent.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
week one
Over the years I have taken several psychology classes and one particular idea that has always interested me is the ongoing debate of 'nature vs. nurture'. I have read case studies of twins separated at birth who meet years later only to find their lives are eerily similar, as well as studies regarding adopted children that show great similarities between adopted children and their biological parents, even thought the children may have never met their birth parents. (Flanagan, 2002) These studies and others like them, make a great case for genetic or hereditary influences being the driving force in a person's development. There are valuable arguments presented for both nature and nurture, and in my mind they are equally important in making us the people we have become.
In my life I have had the opportunity to see 'nature vs. nurture' at work in several aspects, the most apparent being the case of my mother. My mother was adopted at birth by an amazing family and had a wonderful childhood, and as the baby of the family and the only girl, her life was full of all the nurturing she could handle! As an adult, she began to wonder about her background and health history and became interested in finding her birth family. When she was in her forties, after the death of her mother, she decided the time was right to meet her birth family. We met three of her sisters and her birth father at their home in Seattle and it was the best example of nature vs. nurture I could have asked for. The genetic aspect was easily recognizable, as all four of the sisters looked very similar. They are all very tall with similar builds, facial features, etc. But one major difference was the three sister of my mother looked 'hard'. I imagined it to be what my mother would have looked like if she had lived a hard, impoverished life, as opposed to the life of privledge she had been given. Besides the family resemblance and the genetic predisposition to asthma she was given by her birth mother, that is where the similarities stopped. My mother could not have been more different from her family. In fact, I would go as far as to say polar opposites and it provided a very strong case for the idea of nurture being the major factor in determining my mothers personality and development. She takes after her adopted parents in so many ways, it was amazing to see how much larger of a part nurture played in her make up than nature.
That being said, the case for nature has come to play in my life in the case of my Grandmother, Father and myself. Growing up, there was a long standing family joke about my grandmothers high anxiety. She worried about everything! She was constantly worrying about things she had no control over or things the rest of us thought were amazingly silly and trivial. My father could not have been more different. He never worried about anything. He was a fly by the seat of your pants kind of guy who was constantly up to crazy shenanigans, Peter Pan syndrome all the way. Until he stopped drinking. Then it became apparent that he was in fact, his mothers son. The veil of alcohol was lifted, allowing his anxiety to take center stage and he could not have been more like my grandmother if he tried. He worries about everything. Things that make no sense, that he has no control of, things that should not even be on the radar. Enter me. When I hit my mid twenties, I started to worry. First about money, housework, stress, the usual. Then, little things that didn't really make sense... Until I started to put together the correlation between Grandma, Dad and me. We all have anxiety. We all worry for no reason. We all need to be in control and yet have no control over this need. Even though my parents have been divorced since I was a small child and I have always lived with my mother who is the driving nurturer in my life, nature plays a huge part in who I am and how I deal with things.
So in the closing of this weeks blog, basically there are arguments for and against nature vs. nurture all around us. In my life, I have seen them both at work and they have both played equal parts in making me who I am. I am a mini me to my mother, whose personality was developed by nurture. I deal with things the way my father and grandmother do, a prime example of nature at work... They are both amazingly interesting concepts and I can't wait to find out more about them in this class!
References
Flanagan, C. (2002) Nature vs. Nurture:why are siblings so different? Psychology review.
In my life I have had the opportunity to see 'nature vs. nurture' at work in several aspects, the most apparent being the case of my mother. My mother was adopted at birth by an amazing family and had a wonderful childhood, and as the baby of the family and the only girl, her life was full of all the nurturing she could handle! As an adult, she began to wonder about her background and health history and became interested in finding her birth family. When she was in her forties, after the death of her mother, she decided the time was right to meet her birth family. We met three of her sisters and her birth father at their home in Seattle and it was the best example of nature vs. nurture I could have asked for. The genetic aspect was easily recognizable, as all four of the sisters looked very similar. They are all very tall with similar builds, facial features, etc. But one major difference was the three sister of my mother looked 'hard'. I imagined it to be what my mother would have looked like if she had lived a hard, impoverished life, as opposed to the life of privledge she had been given. Besides the family resemblance and the genetic predisposition to asthma she was given by her birth mother, that is where the similarities stopped. My mother could not have been more different from her family. In fact, I would go as far as to say polar opposites and it provided a very strong case for the idea of nurture being the major factor in determining my mothers personality and development. She takes after her adopted parents in so many ways, it was amazing to see how much larger of a part nurture played in her make up than nature.
That being said, the case for nature has come to play in my life in the case of my Grandmother, Father and myself. Growing up, there was a long standing family joke about my grandmothers high anxiety. She worried about everything! She was constantly worrying about things she had no control over or things the rest of us thought were amazingly silly and trivial. My father could not have been more different. He never worried about anything. He was a fly by the seat of your pants kind of guy who was constantly up to crazy shenanigans, Peter Pan syndrome all the way. Until he stopped drinking. Then it became apparent that he was in fact, his mothers son. The veil of alcohol was lifted, allowing his anxiety to take center stage and he could not have been more like my grandmother if he tried. He worries about everything. Things that make no sense, that he has no control of, things that should not even be on the radar. Enter me. When I hit my mid twenties, I started to worry. First about money, housework, stress, the usual. Then, little things that didn't really make sense... Until I started to put together the correlation between Grandma, Dad and me. We all have anxiety. We all worry for no reason. We all need to be in control and yet have no control over this need. Even though my parents have been divorced since I was a small child and I have always lived with my mother who is the driving nurturer in my life, nature plays a huge part in who I am and how I deal with things.
So in the closing of this weeks blog, basically there are arguments for and against nature vs. nurture all around us. In my life, I have seen them both at work and they have both played equal parts in making me who I am. I am a mini me to my mother, whose personality was developed by nurture. I deal with things the way my father and grandmother do, a prime example of nature at work... They are both amazingly interesting concepts and I can't wait to find out more about them in this class!
References
Flanagan, C. (2002) Nature vs. Nurture:why are siblings so different? Psychology review.
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