Well, we made it. And what an fitting end to the quarter, death and dying. The end. I have a lot of mixed emotions about this chapter and it brought up a lot of feelings that I am not comfortable with, but one thing I am comfortable with and the thing I want to focus my final blog on is Euthanasia. Especially active euthanasia. As usual, this is strictly my own personal opinion and I highly value each persons right to choose what they believe is right for them. But, I really feel strongly that we should be allowed to make that choice. If I had a terminal illness and was in unbearable pain, would I choose euthanasia for myself? I don't know. And I hope I never have to find out, but I want to be able to make that choice for myself if need be. I want to have that option and I believe that every human on earth should also be able to have that option available to them. Now, I am not saying that I believe that euthanasia is something to be taken lightly or that is should be readily available to every patient that is feeling down on a certain day but I think it needs to be available, strongly regulated and a patient needs to make that decision while of sound mind as well as many other factors that need to be taken into consideration.
Physician assisted suicide offers options in a situation where not many options are available. It can be a great relief to both patients and their families knowing that there can be a relatively peaceful end to a patients constant suffering. It can relive the stress of a patient having to think about doing it themselves or having to ask a friend or family member to assist them in suicide and then face the repercussions after the loved one is gone.
I know that for many people in the world, euthanasia will never be an option and that is fine with me. Just so long as they have the option in the first place.
Monday, June 16, 2014
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Senior moments
When I was in school for my CNA and later my nursing degree, I had the pleasure and
privilege of doing several clinical rotations at local extended care facilities. Each facility is
different and each has a varying degree of success at making their facilities feel light and airy and home like, but the bottom line is, they are depressing. You can offer bowling in the dining room, crafts in the library, field trips to the mall, but the reality is, nursing homes are where we send the elderly of our community ultimately to die. Yes, in some cases, people rehabilitate and are able to return home, but that is the minority and the residents there know it.
For me the hardest part is knowing that so many of the residents still have so much to give and so much knowledge to share but it is almost like they are sent away so their families don't have to deal with them. I know that we live busier and more stressful lives than ever and often the task of caring for an ailing parent is overwhelming, especially when you are stuck in the middle of caring for your own children and then being put in the position of also caring for your parent, but it just seems like the people who raised us and supported us and did so much for us our whole lives deserve a little more than spending their golden years stuck in a nursing home.
One of the problems is, we live in The United States. In this country we notoriously put youth on a pedestal. We put a huge value on a person's youthful attributes including physical appearance, ability to work and be productive, all of which obviously diminish with age. Anthropologist Jared Diamond, who has studied the treatment of the elderly across cultures, has said the geriatric in western countries like the U.K. and U.S. live "lonely lives separated from their children and lifelong friends." As their health deteriorates, the elderly in these cultures often move to retirement communities, assisted living facilities, and nursing homes, while in many other countries around the world, it is the social norm for several generations of one family to live under the same roof. Several countries, including China and France have gone so far to pass "Elderly rights laws" which requires citizens to regularly keep in touch with their geriatric parents or face fines or even jail time!
In Latin and Mediterranean cultures, family is a priority and elders are seen as valuable resources in the family structure. Elders are often in charge of caring for younger members of the family while the parents are at work are stay with their families until the time of their deaths. Growing up, one of my best friends, Carmen, came from a large mexican family. Her house was always full of every age imaginable and her grandparents were always treated as the most respected members of the family. As Carmen and her brothers and sisters grew up, taking care of their parents was always the utmost of importance. They would pool together to make sure their parents had a nice place to live, safe cars to drive, that they were taken care of. And in return, their parents took care of the grandchildren. And they had nine children, so you can image what that was like!
For as long as I can remember my mother has made me promise that I will never put her in a "rest home". And as an only child, that is a burden I will have to deal with. But she is my mom, and I could never, ever repay all the things she has done and still does for me, but by at least honoring that wish, I can try! I don't know what the answer is to this dilemma, but I know there has got to be a better choice than what we are doing. I am sure that is a horrible decision to have to make to decide to put your parent into a facility and in many cases I am sure it is the only option, but we need to start treating the geriatric population as the amazingly wonderful, wise and valuable resource that they are.
privilege of doing several clinical rotations at local extended care facilities. Each facility is
different and each has a varying degree of success at making their facilities feel light and airy and home like, but the bottom line is, they are depressing. You can offer bowling in the dining room, crafts in the library, field trips to the mall, but the reality is, nursing homes are where we send the elderly of our community ultimately to die. Yes, in some cases, people rehabilitate and are able to return home, but that is the minority and the residents there know it.
For me the hardest part is knowing that so many of the residents still have so much to give and so much knowledge to share but it is almost like they are sent away so their families don't have to deal with them. I know that we live busier and more stressful lives than ever and often the task of caring for an ailing parent is overwhelming, especially when you are stuck in the middle of caring for your own children and then being put in the position of also caring for your parent, but it just seems like the people who raised us and supported us and did so much for us our whole lives deserve a little more than spending their golden years stuck in a nursing home.
One of the problems is, we live in The United States. In this country we notoriously put youth on a pedestal. We put a huge value on a person's youthful attributes including physical appearance, ability to work and be productive, all of which obviously diminish with age. Anthropologist Jared Diamond, who has studied the treatment of the elderly across cultures, has said the geriatric in western countries like the U.K. and U.S. live "lonely lives separated from their children and lifelong friends." As their health deteriorates, the elderly in these cultures often move to retirement communities, assisted living facilities, and nursing homes, while in many other countries around the world, it is the social norm for several generations of one family to live under the same roof. Several countries, including China and France have gone so far to pass "Elderly rights laws" which requires citizens to regularly keep in touch with their geriatric parents or face fines or even jail time!
In Latin and Mediterranean cultures, family is a priority and elders are seen as valuable resources in the family structure. Elders are often in charge of caring for younger members of the family while the parents are at work are stay with their families until the time of their deaths. Growing up, one of my best friends, Carmen, came from a large mexican family. Her house was always full of every age imaginable and her grandparents were always treated as the most respected members of the family. As Carmen and her brothers and sisters grew up, taking care of their parents was always the utmost of importance. They would pool together to make sure their parents had a nice place to live, safe cars to drive, that they were taken care of. And in return, their parents took care of the grandchildren. And they had nine children, so you can image what that was like!
For as long as I can remember my mother has made me promise that I will never put her in a "rest home". And as an only child, that is a burden I will have to deal with. But she is my mom, and I could never, ever repay all the things she has done and still does for me, but by at least honoring that wish, I can try! I don't know what the answer is to this dilemma, but I know there has got to be a better choice than what we are doing. I am sure that is a horrible decision to have to make to decide to put your parent into a facility and in many cases I am sure it is the only option, but we need to start treating the geriatric population as the amazingly wonderful, wise and valuable resource that they are.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
My life
Well, this weeks topics are like pulling a page out of my current life story. I am the mother/wife in a dual earning family, I am approaching middle adulthood and dealing my with feelings on that fun idea, I am always juggling the roles between mom, wife, nurse, student and I am suffering from a case of reality shock to boot!
Up until a few months ago, my husband had been a stay at home dad for the last several years. It was great as far as childcare and me not having to worry about our daughter being cared for by a stranger but there was still conflict in the home. While I was employed and usually a student as well, I found myself becoming very resentful towards my husband because A) he got to stay home with our daughter and B) I still was doing the bulk of the housework and family chores. It became a constant source of conflict between us. In his family, his mother had always been a stay at home mom and that is what mom's do, clean the house, take care of the groceries, the pets, etc... So why shouldn't his wife be the same? But he also lives in the era of equal rights for both genders, so of course I should also have to work! I am capable, so why shouldn't I have a job? Back and forth, back and forth. I think it is great that we were able to have one parent stay home with our daughter, we have been very fortunate that we were able to have that arrangement but the resentment of things not being "equal" was getting almost too much for me to bear. It finally came to the point that I had to draw a line in the sand. Either you get a job, we hire someone to help me around the house, or you step up your game at home. You choose or I am going to choose for us.
Well, my husband went back to work. I feel more satisfied as far as shared burdens, I still do the housework but hey, we are moving in the right direction! But now we face the challenges of a dual earning household. Finding child care is harder than you think! I worry about pawning our daughter off, I worry about being stuck late at work and not getting to school on time to pick her up, we now have a whole new set of exciting challenges! I am sure I sound like I am whining but I think basically life is just a big old balancing act. Just do the best you can, there is always going to be stress and challenges and that is just the bottom line. In the end, we have decided to switch roles for awhile and in the next month or so I will be taking some time off of work just to relax and focus on time with our daughter and being a stay at home mom (wish me luck!) I think it is valuable to see how the other half lives and I think this change will benefit us overall. And I will have more time to focus on my up coming mid life crisis, hello botox!
Up until a few months ago, my husband had been a stay at home dad for the last several years. It was great as far as childcare and me not having to worry about our daughter being cared for by a stranger but there was still conflict in the home. While I was employed and usually a student as well, I found myself becoming very resentful towards my husband because A) he got to stay home with our daughter and B) I still was doing the bulk of the housework and family chores. It became a constant source of conflict between us. In his family, his mother had always been a stay at home mom and that is what mom's do, clean the house, take care of the groceries, the pets, etc... So why shouldn't his wife be the same? But he also lives in the era of equal rights for both genders, so of course I should also have to work! I am capable, so why shouldn't I have a job? Back and forth, back and forth. I think it is great that we were able to have one parent stay home with our daughter, we have been very fortunate that we were able to have that arrangement but the resentment of things not being "equal" was getting almost too much for me to bear. It finally came to the point that I had to draw a line in the sand. Either you get a job, we hire someone to help me around the house, or you step up your game at home. You choose or I am going to choose for us.
Well, my husband went back to work. I feel more satisfied as far as shared burdens, I still do the housework but hey, we are moving in the right direction! But now we face the challenges of a dual earning household. Finding child care is harder than you think! I worry about pawning our daughter off, I worry about being stuck late at work and not getting to school on time to pick her up, we now have a whole new set of exciting challenges! I am sure I sound like I am whining but I think basically life is just a big old balancing act. Just do the best you can, there is always going to be stress and challenges and that is just the bottom line. In the end, we have decided to switch roles for awhile and in the next month or so I will be taking some time off of work just to relax and focus on time with our daughter and being a stay at home mom (wish me luck!) I think it is valuable to see how the other half lives and I think this change will benefit us overall. And I will have more time to focus on my up coming mid life crisis, hello botox!
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
D-I-V-O-R-C-E.
I am the product of divorce. When I was 7, after 12 years of marriage, my parents decided to go their separate ways. I don't really remember the actual split or how it happened or why it happened, they never fought in front of me, they seemed to get along fine... One day my dad just didn't live with us anymore. When my mother left my father he told her that he was not going to stay single long and he didn't. He was remarried with a baby on the way by the time I was 8. That was a little hard to swallow at first but I think the transition was a little easier on me because the woman he married was one of my mom's friends and I had always known her and so it was easy to accept her in the role of step mom. Not sure my mom had quite as easy of a time swallowing that one but she eventually got over it...
I was lucky in the fact that my parents for the most part kept their divorce civil and kept it clean. Not only do they share a daughter, but they live next door to each other and have for the last 30 years. I like to think that their divorce had no lasting negative effects on me, and I reassure my mom of that whenever she asks. But looking at things more closely and the more reading I do on the subject, I am not so sure. I am pretty sure that my parents divorce and the semi absent parent my father became, have had a bearing on my relationships in the past, and I am starting to understand why.
When my parents got married, things were different. It was 1969 and they both came from traditional old school homes. Both sets of my grandparents were still married, my grandmothers were homemakers, my grandfathers supported their families, real life Leave it to Beaver. They were each others first loves and got married when they were both only 21. Once they got divorced, my mother said she would never get married again and she hasn't. She and my 'step dad' have been together for 26 years and have lived together for almost that entire time but she has always stuck to her guns and has never remarried. But before they got together, when my mother was first divorced, my mother dated. It makes sense if you think about it, she was 32, single for the first time ever, Very attractive, what else was she supposed to do? So as a young and impressionable girl, I watched my mom date. She went on dates with a variety of suitors and occasionally she would keep one around for a few months, but inevitably before too long, she would always drop them and move on to the next. They were always really sweet and nice and likable but they were also disposable.
When I was old enough to notice boys, I really noticed them. I didn't have a dad around so it was nice to have that male attention that I had long been missing and I gobbled it up. I loved having boys around, just not for long. You said something I didn't like? You're gone. I don't like your shoes, your out of here! I never, ever thought about others feelings and I truly regarded boyfriends as disposable. I was a serial monogamist and went from one boyfriend to another usually with an overlap of the two in between. I loved having the security and safety of a boyfriend but I would also never allow anyone to get too close to me. Then, when I was 20, I met my husband. My FIRST husband. We dated for almost 4 years before we got married and our wedding was the beginning of the end. I wanted to get married for all the wrong reasons. I felt like that was what you were "supposed" to do. That was the natural progression of life. We had been together so long, why wouldn't we get married? Well, for starters, I was too young. I was 23 but a young, sheltered 23. I had no idea what it meant to be or what it took to be someone's wife. And to be honest, I didn't really want to know. By the time the wedding arrived, I knew I didn't want to do it. But, I talked myself into thinking it was cold feet and everything would be okay, but it wasn't. I hated it from the get go. I take 100% full responsibility for the demise of my marriage. There is no one to blame but me. I wasn't ready, I was too young, I was not able to stand up and say what I knew was right, I did it to myself. And, after 5 months, I left my husband. I didn't even try, I just left.
I can't really blame my parents for the way I was, but I know I learned a lot about relationships from watching. As the years passed and I grew up, I realized that I didn't need a man's love to make me feel secure and whole, I could do that all on my own. I could be happy with just me. I learned a lot of things. I took a year off from dating to just learn about me, to find out about what makes me happy and to find out what I want and don't want. And one year to the day of being single, I ran into my high school boyfriend at a restaurant... He is now my husband and the father of my daughter and we have been in a happy, healthy committed relationship for almost 11 years now. I was 32 when we got married and what a difference a decade makes! I see why research shows the older you are when get married the more likely it is to last, we are so much more mature and ready to shoulder the burdens of family life. We are better equipped to deal with everything that comes our way and I look forward to having him as my partner in crime for many years to come!
I was lucky in the fact that my parents for the most part kept their divorce civil and kept it clean. Not only do they share a daughter, but they live next door to each other and have for the last 30 years. I like to think that their divorce had no lasting negative effects on me, and I reassure my mom of that whenever she asks. But looking at things more closely and the more reading I do on the subject, I am not so sure. I am pretty sure that my parents divorce and the semi absent parent my father became, have had a bearing on my relationships in the past, and I am starting to understand why.
When my parents got married, things were different. It was 1969 and they both came from traditional old school homes. Both sets of my grandparents were still married, my grandmothers were homemakers, my grandfathers supported their families, real life Leave it to Beaver. They were each others first loves and got married when they were both only 21. Once they got divorced, my mother said she would never get married again and she hasn't. She and my 'step dad' have been together for 26 years and have lived together for almost that entire time but she has always stuck to her guns and has never remarried. But before they got together, when my mother was first divorced, my mother dated. It makes sense if you think about it, she was 32, single for the first time ever, Very attractive, what else was she supposed to do? So as a young and impressionable girl, I watched my mom date. She went on dates with a variety of suitors and occasionally she would keep one around for a few months, but inevitably before too long, she would always drop them and move on to the next. They were always really sweet and nice and likable but they were also disposable.
When I was old enough to notice boys, I really noticed them. I didn't have a dad around so it was nice to have that male attention that I had long been missing and I gobbled it up. I loved having boys around, just not for long. You said something I didn't like? You're gone. I don't like your shoes, your out of here! I never, ever thought about others feelings and I truly regarded boyfriends as disposable. I was a serial monogamist and went from one boyfriend to another usually with an overlap of the two in between. I loved having the security and safety of a boyfriend but I would also never allow anyone to get too close to me. Then, when I was 20, I met my husband. My FIRST husband. We dated for almost 4 years before we got married and our wedding was the beginning of the end. I wanted to get married for all the wrong reasons. I felt like that was what you were "supposed" to do. That was the natural progression of life. We had been together so long, why wouldn't we get married? Well, for starters, I was too young. I was 23 but a young, sheltered 23. I had no idea what it meant to be or what it took to be someone's wife. And to be honest, I didn't really want to know. By the time the wedding arrived, I knew I didn't want to do it. But, I talked myself into thinking it was cold feet and everything would be okay, but it wasn't. I hated it from the get go. I take 100% full responsibility for the demise of my marriage. There is no one to blame but me. I wasn't ready, I was too young, I was not able to stand up and say what I knew was right, I did it to myself. And, after 5 months, I left my husband. I didn't even try, I just left.
I can't really blame my parents for the way I was, but I know I learned a lot about relationships from watching. As the years passed and I grew up, I realized that I didn't need a man's love to make me feel secure and whole, I could do that all on my own. I could be happy with just me. I learned a lot of things. I took a year off from dating to just learn about me, to find out about what makes me happy and to find out what I want and don't want. And one year to the day of being single, I ran into my high school boyfriend at a restaurant... He is now my husband and the father of my daughter and we have been in a happy, healthy committed relationship for almost 11 years now. I was 32 when we got married and what a difference a decade makes! I see why research shows the older you are when get married the more likely it is to last, we are so much more mature and ready to shoulder the burdens of family life. We are better equipped to deal with everything that comes our way and I look forward to having him as my partner in crime for many years to come!
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Ugh.
Well, this weeks reading has kind of got me down... Teenagers. Ugh. As we all know by now, I have a 5 year old girl and this weeks reading has sort of stressed me out. Especially the articles. I don't want to think about boys, and periods, and puberty just yet. But, I guess I have to. In this day and age you have to think about it so much sooner that you used to and it makes me sad. It makes me wish for days gone by when we didn't have iPads and iPhones and computers in every room. When there were no such things as half shirts and padded swim suits for 5 years olds. Thongs were what we called flip flops, they were not underpants for children! Wow, I sound old. Yes, I know that improvements in nutrition and health cause girls to physically mature sooner that they did in the past but I also know that society encourages our girls to grow up mentally before they are ready and before they need to. I am appalled at some of the things I see on Tv and for sale in stores, things that encourage children to look and act like little adults which the are not!
When I was a child, my pediatrician took my mother aside and gave her some words of advice. "Don't let people force her to grow up too fast. She is much taller that her peers and people are going to treat her differently. People will expect more from her, because they will believe she is older and she will try to live up to their expectations, and in some cases because she is so much younger, she is going to fail." All through childhood, I was much taller than my friends. I looked 12 when I was 8. When I was 12, I looked 16. I got lots and lots of attention from boys and men, but I was 12. I still played with Barbies and I didn't know how to deal with it, I didn't want to deal with it, I should not have had to deal with it. My parents never let me dress in appropriately or wear make up or anything like that but I didn't need it. When you are stacked at 13, you don't really need to play it up and there is not much you can do to hide it.
Now I have a baby girl and you guessed it, she's tall. And blonde and lanky. People are always surprised when they hear she is 5, because she looks and acts older. She is my only child and the one thing her father and I want more than anything else is for her to grow up slowly. We don't want her to worry about things that shouldn't concern her for years and years. I want her to be educated and to respect her body and be amazed by the things it can do so we talk to her openly so she knows she never has to be embarrassed about anything related to her body and she knows the correct terminology for her body parts and she knows she can ask about anything and I feel good about that. And I feel strongly that as a parent, part of my job is to make sure she doesn't grow up too fast. She is not allowed to wear two piece swimsuits, and her clothes look like clothes a 5 year old should wear. She doesn't look like a tiny teenager because I will not allow it. But she doesn't know the difference because we don't have TV and she doesn't see commercials and programs that glorify that type of behavior, and that works for us. Sure she grabs my bras and lipsticks and trys them out but she knows that those things are for mommy and it's ok to experiment but it's not to leave the house.
Ugh. We are moving to an island.
When I was a child, my pediatrician took my mother aside and gave her some words of advice. "Don't let people force her to grow up too fast. She is much taller that her peers and people are going to treat her differently. People will expect more from her, because they will believe she is older and she will try to live up to their expectations, and in some cases because she is so much younger, she is going to fail." All through childhood, I was much taller than my friends. I looked 12 when I was 8. When I was 12, I looked 16. I got lots and lots of attention from boys and men, but I was 12. I still played with Barbies and I didn't know how to deal with it, I didn't want to deal with it, I should not have had to deal with it. My parents never let me dress in appropriately or wear make up or anything like that but I didn't need it. When you are stacked at 13, you don't really need to play it up and there is not much you can do to hide it.
Now I have a baby girl and you guessed it, she's tall. And blonde and lanky. People are always surprised when they hear she is 5, because she looks and acts older. She is my only child and the one thing her father and I want more than anything else is for her to grow up slowly. We don't want her to worry about things that shouldn't concern her for years and years. I want her to be educated and to respect her body and be amazed by the things it can do so we talk to her openly so she knows she never has to be embarrassed about anything related to her body and she knows the correct terminology for her body parts and she knows she can ask about anything and I feel good about that. And I feel strongly that as a parent, part of my job is to make sure she doesn't grow up too fast. She is not allowed to wear two piece swimsuits, and her clothes look like clothes a 5 year old should wear. She doesn't look like a tiny teenager because I will not allow it. But she doesn't know the difference because we don't have TV and she doesn't see commercials and programs that glorify that type of behavior, and that works for us. Sure she grabs my bras and lipsticks and trys them out but she knows that those things are for mommy and it's ok to experiment but it's not to leave the house.
Ugh. We are moving to an island.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Boy oh Boy!
Wow! Here it is Saturday morning at at 7:45 am and already my mind is working overtime. No, I haven't had too much coffee, I am thinking about boys! And men! Tough guise! While I thoroughly enjoyed this weeks reading, the video "Tough Guise" really got me thinking. There is so much in the news about women being objectified by the media and the media's tendencies to feature women with unattainable body types and women being hypersexualized and taught to value looks and sexuality above all else that I have almost never given any real thought to what's going on with our male counterparts. Watching the video this morning, it was really almost like a light going on in my head. Of course I am trained to feel bad about myself when I see a celebrity who has just given birth three weeks ago frolicking in a bikini, why wouldn't a man feel the same way? Or at least similarly?
After watching the video, I started thinking about tv, movies, magazines and how they perceive and show men. It is very rare in film and tv that the sensitive man is the hero of a story, the one who gets the girl. And in the rare cases he does become the victor, it is usually following some life changing act of manliness. In Back to the Future, George McFly gets the girl, but only after he fights and defeats the antagonist of the story. And to top it off, this act of manliness, changes his entire life! He gets the girl, becomes a famous novelist, has a great career, all his kids are successful... All because he knocked out Biff! What is this telling us? A man that can protect his woman and show physical prowess is going to have a great life! He will be successful, people will respect him, everything will be moonlight and roses.
The media has a shocking amount of control over the way we think and perceive others, I hate to say it. I would like to think of myself as above that way of thinking, but I am not. When I think of men I find physically attractive or appealing, I do not think of a sensitive ponytail man. For whatever reason, I just don't. Part of it is probably that I am tall and athletic and appreciate someone with similar physical and athletic abilities, I also assume some of it has to do with survival of the fittest and we tend to try to choose mates that would ensure the best genetic outcome for our children, but I am sure a huge part of it is that we are taught to value masculinity and a mans prowess and view those as favorable traits in a mate.
As a women, I think it is very important for us to help change things by changing the way we think and interact with men. Women have a huge influence over their sons and in many cases men in general and by changing what we value, we can help men change what they value in themselves. There is a huge difference between being strong and capable and being aggressive and antagonistic. Yes, my husband is tall and athletic but that's not what makes him manly. What makes him manly is that he is a stand up guy. He is not afraid to be a stay at home dad. He supports his wife in her pursuits. He values his daughter's thoughts and opinions and works hard to ensure she is a strong and independent girl. He provides for his family. He doesn't allow himself to be hen pecked in a house full of girls... Now that's manly!
After watching the video, I started thinking about tv, movies, magazines and how they perceive and show men. It is very rare in film and tv that the sensitive man is the hero of a story, the one who gets the girl. And in the rare cases he does become the victor, it is usually following some life changing act of manliness. In Back to the Future, George McFly gets the girl, but only after he fights and defeats the antagonist of the story. And to top it off, this act of manliness, changes his entire life! He gets the girl, becomes a famous novelist, has a great career, all his kids are successful... All because he knocked out Biff! What is this telling us? A man that can protect his woman and show physical prowess is going to have a great life! He will be successful, people will respect him, everything will be moonlight and roses.
The media has a shocking amount of control over the way we think and perceive others, I hate to say it. I would like to think of myself as above that way of thinking, but I am not. When I think of men I find physically attractive or appealing, I do not think of a sensitive ponytail man. For whatever reason, I just don't. Part of it is probably that I am tall and athletic and appreciate someone with similar physical and athletic abilities, I also assume some of it has to do with survival of the fittest and we tend to try to choose mates that would ensure the best genetic outcome for our children, but I am sure a huge part of it is that we are taught to value masculinity and a mans prowess and view those as favorable traits in a mate.
As a women, I think it is very important for us to help change things by changing the way we think and interact with men. Women have a huge influence over their sons and in many cases men in general and by changing what we value, we can help men change what they value in themselves. There is a huge difference between being strong and capable and being aggressive and antagonistic. Yes, my husband is tall and athletic but that's not what makes him manly. What makes him manly is that he is a stand up guy. He is not afraid to be a stay at home dad. He supports his wife in her pursuits. He values his daughter's thoughts and opinions and works hard to ensure she is a strong and independent girl. He provides for his family. He doesn't allow himself to be hen pecked in a house full of girls... Now that's manly!
Monday, May 5, 2014
Quick! Hand me a pill!
Well, here we are in week four and I have to say, this has been the best reading yet! The article "The over medicated child" was by far the most interesting part for me and it will be the focus of my blog this week.
When I was a child, in addition to having to walk uphill both ways to school in the snow, I didn't get to watch TV. I didn't have a computer, there was no such thing as video games (unless you were at the bowling alley and they had Ms. Pacman which was AWESOME!) We played outside. We rode our bikes with no helmets, we drank water straight out of the creek (no purifier, crazy, I know!) we had to entertain ourselves using only our imaginations... And no one, I repeat NO ONE, I knew had ADHD. I know now that ADHD has been being studied and reported on for at least 45 years but when and where I grew up, It was a completely foreign idea. Sure, there were the "hyper kids" who couldn't sit still and acted a little different, but those were the kids you sent outside to burn off their extra energy, not give them drugs to calm them down. And now ADHD is everywhere. It seems like everyone has it, knows someone who has it, used to have it, whatever. It seems like it is literally becoming a catch all diagnoses that people, in my opinion, over use. You can't sit still in class? ADHD. You speak out of turn? Probably have ADHD. You are a fidgeter? Let me get you some ritalin. And here is a coupon brought to you from our good friends at Novartis.
People in the US want a quick fix. They want a pill that will make all the unpleasantness go away. Counseling and behavior therapy have shown amazing results in children with mental illnesses and behavioral issues like ADHD but they take major work and commitment from the child as well as their families and in this day and age, that is often not practical. It is easier to go to your pediatrician or GP and get a prescription. A prescription that is not prescribed by a psychiatrist or a doctor that specializes in psychopharmacology, a prescription that we don't really know how it will affect a childs developing brain long term... To quote the article as far as medications, "The majority have been okayed for adults only, but are being used "off label" for younger and younger patients at children's menu doses. The practice is common and perfectly legal but potentially risky. "We know that kids are not just little adults," says Dr. David Fassler, professor of psychiatry at the University of Vermont. "They metabolize medications differently." Yikes!
According to healthcentral.com, one of the debates over the whether ADHD is over-diagnosed is the relationship between the increasing diagnosis and the profit the pharmaceutical companies are making from the medications being prescribed to treat the disorder. I am a nurse, and every single day, I see the pharmaceutical companies in action. Drug reps come on a daily basis, to give free samples, hand out coupons, buy us lunch, give us candy, anything they can legally do to get us to prescribe their drugs. They bribe the nurses to influence the doctors, they bribe the doctors to write the scripts. Does it work? Sometimes. But the point is, it makes me think. What else are they doing?
Do I believe ADHD is a real diagnoses? Yes. Do I believe the label is overused? Yes. Do I feel like Americans are over medicated? YES, YES AND YES! I know I sound preachy and for that I apologize, I just feel like there is so much about medications we don't know and so many shady things going on with drug companies that we do know, why should that be our first line of defense? Yes, hard work can be a drag. Yes, it would be easier to just take a pill to make your symptoms go away, but if it is going to do damage to your child's maturing brain and turn them into a little zombie child, is it really worth it?
P.S. For those of you reading this, I don't have a child with ADHD. And if I did, I might feel differently. I think everyone should do what is right for them and their families, I am just stating my opinion. Thanks for reading!
When I was a child, in addition to having to walk uphill both ways to school in the snow, I didn't get to watch TV. I didn't have a computer, there was no such thing as video games (unless you were at the bowling alley and they had Ms. Pacman which was AWESOME!) We played outside. We rode our bikes with no helmets, we drank water straight out of the creek (no purifier, crazy, I know!) we had to entertain ourselves using only our imaginations... And no one, I repeat NO ONE, I knew had ADHD. I know now that ADHD has been being studied and reported on for at least 45 years but when and where I grew up, It was a completely foreign idea. Sure, there were the "hyper kids" who couldn't sit still and acted a little different, but those were the kids you sent outside to burn off their extra energy, not give them drugs to calm them down. And now ADHD is everywhere. It seems like everyone has it, knows someone who has it, used to have it, whatever. It seems like it is literally becoming a catch all diagnoses that people, in my opinion, over use. You can't sit still in class? ADHD. You speak out of turn? Probably have ADHD. You are a fidgeter? Let me get you some ritalin. And here is a coupon brought to you from our good friends at Novartis.
People in the US want a quick fix. They want a pill that will make all the unpleasantness go away. Counseling and behavior therapy have shown amazing results in children with mental illnesses and behavioral issues like ADHD but they take major work and commitment from the child as well as their families and in this day and age, that is often not practical. It is easier to go to your pediatrician or GP and get a prescription. A prescription that is not prescribed by a psychiatrist or a doctor that specializes in psychopharmacology, a prescription that we don't really know how it will affect a childs developing brain long term... To quote the article as far as medications, "The majority have been okayed for adults only, but are being used "off label" for younger and younger patients at children's menu doses. The practice is common and perfectly legal but potentially risky. "We know that kids are not just little adults," says Dr. David Fassler, professor of psychiatry at the University of Vermont. "They metabolize medications differently." Yikes!
According to healthcentral.com, one of the debates over the whether ADHD is over-diagnosed is the relationship between the increasing diagnosis and the profit the pharmaceutical companies are making from the medications being prescribed to treat the disorder. I am a nurse, and every single day, I see the pharmaceutical companies in action. Drug reps come on a daily basis, to give free samples, hand out coupons, buy us lunch, give us candy, anything they can legally do to get us to prescribe their drugs. They bribe the nurses to influence the doctors, they bribe the doctors to write the scripts. Does it work? Sometimes. But the point is, it makes me think. What else are they doing?
Do I believe ADHD is a real diagnoses? Yes. Do I believe the label is overused? Yes. Do I feel like Americans are over medicated? YES, YES AND YES! I know I sound preachy and for that I apologize, I just feel like there is so much about medications we don't know and so many shady things going on with drug companies that we do know, why should that be our first line of defense? Yes, hard work can be a drag. Yes, it would be easier to just take a pill to make your symptoms go away, but if it is going to do damage to your child's maturing brain and turn them into a little zombie child, is it really worth it?
P.S. For those of you reading this, I don't have a child with ADHD. And if I did, I might feel differently. I think everyone should do what is right for them and their families, I am just stating my opinion. Thanks for reading!
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Girls, girls, girls!
The topic of this weeks studies that really peaked my curiosities is the idea of gender role and gender identity. As you now know, I am the mother of a five year old girl. When I was pregnant with my daughter, my husband and I decided we would do our best to raise a strong, independent girl that wouldn't be boxed in by gender stereotypes. We had no idea at the time that we were in for such an uphill battle!
When I was pregnant with my first child, my husband and I couldn't wait to find out the sex of our baby. (I am a planner) When the doctor gleefully told us "It's a boy!", we couldn't have been more thrilled. My husband was already imagining our son skateboarding to basketball practice, while I envisioned a life of tending to skinned knees and chasing frogs. Ahhh little boy bliss. However, at our next prenatal visit, we received the shocking news that there had been a wee little mix up. Our rough and tumble future NBA superstar son was actually a girl. Say what?! As you can imagine, we were shocked. He was named, his room was under construction, he was a he. How could this be?! In an attempt to lessen the shock, my husband suggested I "go buy something girly" for the baby. That moment was the first time I became consciously aware that gender neutrality is not a reality. As we entered the store, we were immediately greeted with clothing that basically screamed gender stereotypes. 'Daddy's little princess' said the frilly pink girl shirts. 'Mom's mud machine' shouted the little boys camo sweater. Kittens, rainbows and unicorns everywhere for the ladies, dinosaurs, tractors and sharks for the boys with almost zero middle ground. A plain white onsie was about as gender neutral as we were going to get.
When our daughter finally arrived, we did our best to go against gender stereotypes and labels. We sought out non pink clothing, her first toy was a stuffed robot, we attempted to allow her to form her own interests and opinions without gender bias. That being said, I should tell you a little bit about us. My husband has been a stay at home father to our daughter for most of her life. I am what my husband calls a "frontier bride". I chop firewood, can change my own oil, am the family's resident plumber. I don't cry, I am not sensitive, I wear overalls, I get dirty. (Yes, my nails are always done and I love diamonds but who doesn't?) What I mean is, my family does not exactly conform to societies typical gender roles so if anyones child was going to buck the stereotype it was going to be our daughter! Right? Wrong. So, so, so wrong. It became apparent almost immediately, we had a girly girl. At first, I tried to fight it. You will get dirty! You will wear blue! You will be the heroine of your story! You will rescue yourself! But it was a losing battle and in the end for whatever reason, genetics, society, stereotypes... pink won. Our days are filled with sparkles and rainbows and unicorns and that's okay. As long as she still wants to make the occasional mud pie, we're good.
When I was pregnant with my first child, my husband and I couldn't wait to find out the sex of our baby. (I am a planner) When the doctor gleefully told us "It's a boy!", we couldn't have been more thrilled. My husband was already imagining our son skateboarding to basketball practice, while I envisioned a life of tending to skinned knees and chasing frogs. Ahhh little boy bliss. However, at our next prenatal visit, we received the shocking news that there had been a wee little mix up. Our rough and tumble future NBA superstar son was actually a girl. Say what?! As you can imagine, we were shocked. He was named, his room was under construction, he was a he. How could this be?! In an attempt to lessen the shock, my husband suggested I "go buy something girly" for the baby. That moment was the first time I became consciously aware that gender neutrality is not a reality. As we entered the store, we were immediately greeted with clothing that basically screamed gender stereotypes. 'Daddy's little princess' said the frilly pink girl shirts. 'Mom's mud machine' shouted the little boys camo sweater. Kittens, rainbows and unicorns everywhere for the ladies, dinosaurs, tractors and sharks for the boys with almost zero middle ground. A plain white onsie was about as gender neutral as we were going to get.
When our daughter finally arrived, we did our best to go against gender stereotypes and labels. We sought out non pink clothing, her first toy was a stuffed robot, we attempted to allow her to form her own interests and opinions without gender bias. That being said, I should tell you a little bit about us. My husband has been a stay at home father to our daughter for most of her life. I am what my husband calls a "frontier bride". I chop firewood, can change my own oil, am the family's resident plumber. I don't cry, I am not sensitive, I wear overalls, I get dirty. (Yes, my nails are always done and I love diamonds but who doesn't?) What I mean is, my family does not exactly conform to societies typical gender roles so if anyones child was going to buck the stereotype it was going to be our daughter! Right? Wrong. So, so, so wrong. It became apparent almost immediately, we had a girly girl. At first, I tried to fight it. You will get dirty! You will wear blue! You will be the heroine of your story! You will rescue yourself! But it was a losing battle and in the end for whatever reason, genetics, society, stereotypes... pink won. Our days are filled with sparkles and rainbows and unicorns and that's okay. As long as she still wants to make the occasional mud pie, we're good.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Keep on Blogging!
Well, week two is off and running! I found this weeks reading very interesting but one concept that really stood out to me was the relationship and dynamic between heredity and environment, which is basically the idea that even though we may be born with a predetermined set of genes, the environment we grow up in has a powerful influence on who we become and how others view us. The text book describes it as "Heredity provides the clay of life and experience does the sculpting" which I thought was a great analogy. One concept that was particularly thought provoking was the idea that genes can affect the type of nurturing we receive. The book gave the example of a bright out-going child receiving more attention from teachers and peers while a more withdrawn and not quite as bright child, who could benefit from extra nurturing, may have a tendency to be overlooked. "A squeaky wheel gets the grease" scenario, if you will.
The assigned article also brought up some interesting issues. One study sought to show that genetic traits influence how a parent reacts to their child. Ie, an angry, anti social child will make the parents anxious and frustrated and this will reinforce the child's behaviors as the parent and child are mirroring each others behavioral styles. This made me think about a neighbor of mine. Jack (not his real name) is a 5 years old boy with a myriad of behavioral issues. He is extremely aggressive both physically and verbally to those around him and has been this way as long as I have known him, which was beginning at the age of two. This weeks reading really made me think about and question his situation. When he acts out, his mother usually seems to tailor her reaction to his behavior. She either totally ignores the inappropriate behavior or mirrors it. When he is screaming, she screams louder. Instead of explaining to him why what he is doing is not okay or inappropriate for the situation, her first reaction is to get angry and frustrated. So that got me thinking... Why? Is Jack this way because A) he is genetically predisposed to this aggressive personality and behavioral style because he inherited his mothers genes? Or B) has his personality been influenced by his mothers parenting style? And is her parenting style a result of heredity or in response to his behavior?
Everyones child at one point or another has thrown a tantrum (my daughter included) but instead of allowing ourselves to get angry or frustrated, my husband and I just did our best to stay calm and just talk it out with her. By showing our daughter respect and by showing her with out actions that we cared about her wants and needs, we were able to set the groundwork for good communication. And by sticking to what we say, she quickly learned that tantrums and whining will never, ever, even once get her the things she wants, but asking nicely and calmly discussing it might, which is helping our daughter develop a caring and respectful personality.
If I were not a working nurse and mother and could spend countless hours reading on the beach, this is an area I would love to delve more deeply into. Not only because I find the subject matter very interesting, but it really got me thinking about myself as a mother and I am always looking for more insight and information that will help me grow as a parent.
The assigned article also brought up some interesting issues. One study sought to show that genetic traits influence how a parent reacts to their child. Ie, an angry, anti social child will make the parents anxious and frustrated and this will reinforce the child's behaviors as the parent and child are mirroring each others behavioral styles. This made me think about a neighbor of mine. Jack (not his real name) is a 5 years old boy with a myriad of behavioral issues. He is extremely aggressive both physically and verbally to those around him and has been this way as long as I have known him, which was beginning at the age of two. This weeks reading really made me think about and question his situation. When he acts out, his mother usually seems to tailor her reaction to his behavior. She either totally ignores the inappropriate behavior or mirrors it. When he is screaming, she screams louder. Instead of explaining to him why what he is doing is not okay or inappropriate for the situation, her first reaction is to get angry and frustrated. So that got me thinking... Why? Is Jack this way because A) he is genetically predisposed to this aggressive personality and behavioral style because he inherited his mothers genes? Or B) has his personality been influenced by his mothers parenting style? And is her parenting style a result of heredity or in response to his behavior?
Everyones child at one point or another has thrown a tantrum (my daughter included) but instead of allowing ourselves to get angry or frustrated, my husband and I just did our best to stay calm and just talk it out with her. By showing our daughter respect and by showing her with out actions that we cared about her wants and needs, we were able to set the groundwork for good communication. And by sticking to what we say, she quickly learned that tantrums and whining will never, ever, even once get her the things she wants, but asking nicely and calmly discussing it might, which is helping our daughter develop a caring and respectful personality.
If I were not a working nurse and mother and could spend countless hours reading on the beach, this is an area I would love to delve more deeply into. Not only because I find the subject matter very interesting, but it really got me thinking about myself as a mother and I am always looking for more insight and information that will help me grow as a parent.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
week one
Over the years I have taken several psychology classes and one particular idea that has always interested me is the ongoing debate of 'nature vs. nurture'. I have read case studies of twins separated at birth who meet years later only to find their lives are eerily similar, as well as studies regarding adopted children that show great similarities between adopted children and their biological parents, even thought the children may have never met their birth parents. (Flanagan, 2002) These studies and others like them, make a great case for genetic or hereditary influences being the driving force in a person's development. There are valuable arguments presented for both nature and nurture, and in my mind they are equally important in making us the people we have become.
In my life I have had the opportunity to see 'nature vs. nurture' at work in several aspects, the most apparent being the case of my mother. My mother was adopted at birth by an amazing family and had a wonderful childhood, and as the baby of the family and the only girl, her life was full of all the nurturing she could handle! As an adult, she began to wonder about her background and health history and became interested in finding her birth family. When she was in her forties, after the death of her mother, she decided the time was right to meet her birth family. We met three of her sisters and her birth father at their home in Seattle and it was the best example of nature vs. nurture I could have asked for. The genetic aspect was easily recognizable, as all four of the sisters looked very similar. They are all very tall with similar builds, facial features, etc. But one major difference was the three sister of my mother looked 'hard'. I imagined it to be what my mother would have looked like if she had lived a hard, impoverished life, as opposed to the life of privledge she had been given. Besides the family resemblance and the genetic predisposition to asthma she was given by her birth mother, that is where the similarities stopped. My mother could not have been more different from her family. In fact, I would go as far as to say polar opposites and it provided a very strong case for the idea of nurture being the major factor in determining my mothers personality and development. She takes after her adopted parents in so many ways, it was amazing to see how much larger of a part nurture played in her make up than nature.
That being said, the case for nature has come to play in my life in the case of my Grandmother, Father and myself. Growing up, there was a long standing family joke about my grandmothers high anxiety. She worried about everything! She was constantly worrying about things she had no control over or things the rest of us thought were amazingly silly and trivial. My father could not have been more different. He never worried about anything. He was a fly by the seat of your pants kind of guy who was constantly up to crazy shenanigans, Peter Pan syndrome all the way. Until he stopped drinking. Then it became apparent that he was in fact, his mothers son. The veil of alcohol was lifted, allowing his anxiety to take center stage and he could not have been more like my grandmother if he tried. He worries about everything. Things that make no sense, that he has no control of, things that should not even be on the radar. Enter me. When I hit my mid twenties, I started to worry. First about money, housework, stress, the usual. Then, little things that didn't really make sense... Until I started to put together the correlation between Grandma, Dad and me. We all have anxiety. We all worry for no reason. We all need to be in control and yet have no control over this need. Even though my parents have been divorced since I was a small child and I have always lived with my mother who is the driving nurturer in my life, nature plays a huge part in who I am and how I deal with things.
So in the closing of this weeks blog, basically there are arguments for and against nature vs. nurture all around us. In my life, I have seen them both at work and they have both played equal parts in making me who I am. I am a mini me to my mother, whose personality was developed by nurture. I deal with things the way my father and grandmother do, a prime example of nature at work... They are both amazingly interesting concepts and I can't wait to find out more about them in this class!
References
Flanagan, C. (2002) Nature vs. Nurture:why are siblings so different? Psychology review.
In my life I have had the opportunity to see 'nature vs. nurture' at work in several aspects, the most apparent being the case of my mother. My mother was adopted at birth by an amazing family and had a wonderful childhood, and as the baby of the family and the only girl, her life was full of all the nurturing she could handle! As an adult, she began to wonder about her background and health history and became interested in finding her birth family. When she was in her forties, after the death of her mother, she decided the time was right to meet her birth family. We met three of her sisters and her birth father at their home in Seattle and it was the best example of nature vs. nurture I could have asked for. The genetic aspect was easily recognizable, as all four of the sisters looked very similar. They are all very tall with similar builds, facial features, etc. But one major difference was the three sister of my mother looked 'hard'. I imagined it to be what my mother would have looked like if she had lived a hard, impoverished life, as opposed to the life of privledge she had been given. Besides the family resemblance and the genetic predisposition to asthma she was given by her birth mother, that is where the similarities stopped. My mother could not have been more different from her family. In fact, I would go as far as to say polar opposites and it provided a very strong case for the idea of nurture being the major factor in determining my mothers personality and development. She takes after her adopted parents in so many ways, it was amazing to see how much larger of a part nurture played in her make up than nature.
That being said, the case for nature has come to play in my life in the case of my Grandmother, Father and myself. Growing up, there was a long standing family joke about my grandmothers high anxiety. She worried about everything! She was constantly worrying about things she had no control over or things the rest of us thought were amazingly silly and trivial. My father could not have been more different. He never worried about anything. He was a fly by the seat of your pants kind of guy who was constantly up to crazy shenanigans, Peter Pan syndrome all the way. Until he stopped drinking. Then it became apparent that he was in fact, his mothers son. The veil of alcohol was lifted, allowing his anxiety to take center stage and he could not have been more like my grandmother if he tried. He worries about everything. Things that make no sense, that he has no control of, things that should not even be on the radar. Enter me. When I hit my mid twenties, I started to worry. First about money, housework, stress, the usual. Then, little things that didn't really make sense... Until I started to put together the correlation between Grandma, Dad and me. We all have anxiety. We all worry for no reason. We all need to be in control and yet have no control over this need. Even though my parents have been divorced since I was a small child and I have always lived with my mother who is the driving nurturer in my life, nature plays a huge part in who I am and how I deal with things.
So in the closing of this weeks blog, basically there are arguments for and against nature vs. nurture all around us. In my life, I have seen them both at work and they have both played equal parts in making me who I am. I am a mini me to my mother, whose personality was developed by nurture. I deal with things the way my father and grandmother do, a prime example of nature at work... They are both amazingly interesting concepts and I can't wait to find out more about them in this class!
References
Flanagan, C. (2002) Nature vs. Nurture:why are siblings so different? Psychology review.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)