Senior moments

When I was in school for my CNA and later my nursing degree, I had the pleasure and 
privilege of doing several clinical rotations at local extended care facilities.  Each facility is 
different and each has a varying degree of success at making their facilities feel light and airy and home like, but the bottom line is, they are depressing.  You can offer bowling in the dining room, crafts in the library, field trips to the mall, but the reality is, nursing homes are where we send the elderly of our community ultimately to die.  Yes, in some cases, people rehabilitate and are able to return home, but that is the minority and the residents there know it.


For me the hardest part is knowing that so many of the residents still have so much to give and so much knowledge to share but it is almost like they are sent away so their families don't have to deal with them.  I know that we live busier and more stressful lives than ever and often the task of caring for an ailing parent is overwhelming, especially when you are stuck in the middle of caring for your own children and then being put in the position of also caring for your parent, but it just seems like the people who raised us and supported us and did so much for us our whole lives deserve a little more than spending their golden years stuck in a nursing home.

One of the problems is, we live in The United States.  In this country we notoriously put youth on a pedestal. We put a huge value on a person's youthful attributes including physical appearance, ability to work and be productive, all of which obviously diminish with age.  Anthropologist Jared Diamond, who has studied the treatment of the elderly across cultures, has said the geriatric in western countries like the U.K. and U.S. live "lonely lives separated from their children and lifelong friends." As their health deteriorates, the elderly in these cultures often move to retirement communities, assisted living facilities, and nursing homes, while in many other countries around the world, it is the social norm for several generations of one family to live under the same roof.  Several countries, including China and France have gone so far to pass "Elderly rights laws" which requires citizens to regularly keep in touch with their geriatric parents or face fines or even jail time!

In Latin and Mediterranean cultures, family is a priority and elders are seen as valuable resources in the family structure.  Elders are often in charge of caring for younger members of the family while the parents are at work are stay with their families until the time of their deaths.  Growing up, one of my best friends, Carmen, came from a large mexican family.  Her house was always full of every age imaginable and her grandparents were always treated as the most respected members of the family.  As Carmen and her brothers and sisters grew up, taking care of their parents was always the utmost of importance.  They would pool together to make sure their parents had a nice place to live, safe cars to drive, that they were taken care of.  And in return, their parents took care of the grandchildren.  And they had nine children, so you can image what that was like!  



For as long as I can remember my mother has made me promise that I will never put her in a "rest home".  And as an only child, that is a burden I will have to deal with.  But she is my mom, and I could never, ever repay all the things she has done and still does for me, but by at least honoring that wish, I can try!  I don't know what the answer is to this dilemma, but I know there has got to be a better choice than what we are doing.  I am sure that is a horrible decision to have to make to decide to put your parent into a facility and in many cases I am sure it is the only option, but we need to start treating the geriatric population as the amazingly wonderful, wise and valuable resource that they are.